Closure

S:Although I am happy with my current boyfriend, I can never forget J.

Me: So are you still in love with him?

S:Nope definitely not. But how can you forget the person that meant so much to you at one point of time? I allowed him to be part of my life because we connected at some level.

Me: Aren't you complicating things in your own life. Don't ruin your present because of your past. Move on.

S: Yes dumbo I have moved on and getting back together with J isn't possible now. But I cant throw him out of my life. He is not commodity. We spent so much time together, shared laughs , sorrows and great deal of camaraderie.

Me: So you still miss him?

S: Yes.

Me: Does your boyfriend know about it?

S:Nope, I don't think he would understand.

Me: Would you?

S:I don't have all the answers.

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I don't think things are gonna be like this forever. She will eventually forget him. All she needs is a closure. There are no specific ways to have closure. Burning gifts/cards and deleting SMS is just a temporary relief and isn't gonna help. what is you need is an acceptance that sometimes things don't workout amongst two individuals. The process of closure can be painfully slow. What does it mean for S's current boyfriend? It means he has to be very supportive and patient while she gets her closure. Cribbing about it or not talking about it will make it difficult. It can hurt like hell but there is no other way.